"FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11, 2011" and "AT 2:53 AM" apparently,
I wrote "[censored]: The Story of An Internet Stalker". Since then, as per an agreement, I have been removing text that contains his name. I tried to do this with the original posting as well. However, the link itself contains the name. Therefore, I am reposting the story, so as to keep the story intact while removing the name, as per the agreement.
BH and I met a few years ago. It might have
been 2007, it might have been 2008. Any case, he
saw my videos and was initially not interested in
me, thinking that I looked like someone else
who he apparently didn't much care for. At least,
that's what I recall about what he said.
But then, according to him, from what I recall,
he was trying to visualize the perfect man to be
with. Apparently, when he was at some doctor
appointment, he visualized "me". That's literally
what he said. I asked for specifics, and he would
say, "It's you."
BH is Catholic, which must be quite the
mindfuck if he's also gay, which he overtly and
obviously is.
I was, at the time, transitioning
from generally not liking being around people, to
trying to reach out and have chats with people,
to learn about people. When he commented on my videos,
when we emailed each other, I quite enjoyed it. He
was quite repetitive, but hey, he was someone to
talk to. And talk he did. Talk, talk, talk.
About how much he loved me, how much he'd like to
meet up with me, how much he'd like to ... do sexual
stuff with me.
At the time, I was curious about homosexuality,
wondering about cocks, about sucking them, about
being with guys, about being sucked off by guys.
The little curiousity that I showed became the bedrock
of what was to follow.
I first showed mild curiousity. Then indifference.
I mean, hey, I was curious, but not THAT curious.
When he would continue to insist, it became annoying,
and eventually, my response to his sexual pleas
became a firm, hard - nah lol - became a passionate,
'Fuck No. Anyone BUT you.'
From this, so I theorized, he projected his own
internal conflict between religion and his sexuality
onto me, saying that I was a gay in denial, and that
being gay was OK. He would often call me Mary when
saying stuff like that.
A year ago - maybe two now - I decided that enough was
enough. To ask BH to back off. From this came
a year of off and on talking with him, with me
constantly trying to decide between not responding
to him, and talking to him to figure out what his
psychotic nature was, and perhaps to help him.
Y'know... maybe this whole thing was some sort of
gigantic misunderstanding.
Gigantic is too small a word, too calm a word,
to use for this type of quote misunderstanding quote.
I've always been the more shy type (my father once
said that it was a label I put on myself), and
a few years ago I was getting zero sex. I was also
not getting much physical touch. A little too much
detail for perhaps your and my liking, but I'd say
it's rather relavant.
I met up with an older man for cuddles and curiousity,
with emphasis on the cuddles. Why not a younger man?
'Cause younger people were, and are, intimidating
to me. Not debate-wise, but sexually. Partly, too,
I tend to like older people because they simply tend
to have more to say and I've always had an image that
younger people of common culture were idiots.
So: I met up with an older man and we did a lot of
cuddling and some experimentation. Not much
experimentation, though. Usually when I tell my life
story to people, I talk about how at about this time
I was listening to Alan Watts and the like, and
because the older man and I agreed that it would be
a good idea for me to meet a woman to fuck...
and that's how I met Jen. That story is for another
time.
The relevance of the older man is this:
BH thinks that I've been having promiscous
sex with everyone, and that I'd finally found a gay
man to fulfil my desires with, and that he and I
were having shitloads of gay sex. In truth, I suppose
one time might possibly be considered sex, but I
rather doubt it.
BH was convinced that the man and I were
having loads of sex, so I turned on the webcam when
we were in the hotel room to say hi to him. He took
offense. By the way, maybe I haven't mentioned this,
but I've also brought the computer, with the webcam
on, and peed in the bathroom. And yes, this borders
and Waaaay too much information, which is why I stop
right here. Yeah, I'm a strange guy. Tell me something
I didn't know.
In trying to convince him that I was trustworty and
that I trusted him, I decided to get him familiar with
TeamViewer, a program that AJComix had introduced
me to. AJ and some others had used it to...
sort of fuck with another user on YouTube. A long
time back, I found AJComix because he was doing videos
on atheism. He also does tech videos. Quite enjoy
his videos. Right now he's focused on StarCraft 2
or 3 I think.
BH downloaded TeamViewer, and I let him run
free on my computer for a few days, maybe a few
weeks. From what he's told me, he focused on the
gay ads that I posted and responded to when I was
desperate for touch, saying that if I was so into
girls, then why did I have those ads going around?
And he told me that he had stashed his data on
a portable harddrive right before we did the computer
screen watching, because he was sure that I'd see
stuff and use it against him. How's that for ya?
I pointed this contradiction out to him, and he
accused me of being mean, something he was quite
prone to.
Another thing he gotten attached on was the thought
that I was obsessed with MLM, and that I was a Jew,
and that I had some sort of Jew MLM scheme in mind.
Where did he get this from? Well, yes, I've been
interested in MLMs, such as GDI, FHTM, and others
that escape me because they're of such little
relevance now. I also did, and still sort of do,
PTCs, focusing on the only one I trust, NeoBux.
Yes, yes, yes... my continuing failed attempts to
be making money via online instead of by a job;
trying to avoid taxes and the like, though mostly
trying to find a way to make money online.
By the way, when he first met me, I was transitioning
from dropping out of college to basically being
homeless and wandering from place to place. Yes, it
was an interesting time.
From this he came to assume that I was
prostituting myself for a place to stay, and that I
was manipulating people around me for that, and,
probably, "jewing" them out.
People encouraged me to stop talking to him, because
whenever I did, I was really pissy afterwards,
frustrated with his schizophrenic insanity,
repetivity, and downright lies and self-delusion.
He decided that I was being controlled by them
and that I did not have my own free will in talking
with him. Well, in truth, I was talking with him
despite their encouragings.
In trying to get me to admit to my homosexual
multi-level marketing Jew prostituted self, he would
use full names. In showing no effect, he carried
the conversation over to places where others could
see it, including YouTube and Viddler.
Now, you might be amused to find out that I didn't
mind it too much that he had a tendency to use my
full name whenever talking about me or to me.
But he also
used other people's full names, including my sister.
This was NOT ok.
In asking him why he kept doing it, his answer was
that he wanted to use it to help me, to shock me,
into the truth. I haven't come up with an alternative
answer, but since he tends to use full names for
everyone, I'm guessing it's some sort of tick,
the same way that Christians always have their
specific rituals about the oh so holy Lord Jeebus
Christ, always including the specifics.
Generally, I'd just delete only the comments that
contained full names, leaving others there.
I'm against censorship to a fault. My mother and
many others have had concerns about what Bite
says. But, when my sister's full name got mentioned,
and then appeared at the top spot in a google
search for her name, that was crossing the line.
Fuck with me, sure, but fuck with other people who
have nothing to do with this? Fuck that!
The primary concern was about my sister's employment,
since people use google searches to get data about
people. Whether what BH is saying is true or
not, it showed up right up at the top there in the
google search, even with the comment itself deleted.
Fortunately, nothing seems to have come of it,
and it seems to have gone away.
But it is not without angry towards him. And, he
did it out of spite.
"What I love about comment removal is that even in
a search, the comment removed is still searchable. Gotta love explicit metatags!"
This was a comment from a week ago that was left on
theshittytalker channel.
Also, because I find it really amusing, here's
another one that's about 5 months old:
"A holy shaman had to bless my laptop and
cleanse away, with medicinal leaves, the
negative energy
emanating from this channel. He said it is okay to subscribe now no matter
how the old, shy, paws of hell have their
grasp on it."
And actually, that comment is still up.
I laugh whenever I read it.
And another comment that I found in a somewhat
related gmail search was this:
"Will you please kindly remove your access
to me on Viddler the following video"
That's right. I'm responsible for his access
and his actions, not him. And this goes right
alongside the analysis of projection that I
initially made. No, not diagnosis, but analysis.
I don't have bullshit credentials, and I don't
intend to cage the motherfucker. But, he IS
crazy, and he probably needs some sort of help.
He credits me for a suicide attempt that he made,
saying that it's my fault;
he attributes psychological tactics to what I
according to him, do;
and he's vengeful as fuck.
To give a sample of what I typically get when he
talks at me now (keep in mind, this is - now was -
on the theshittytalker channel:
"You are the first official gay on gay hater.
I hope that all the boys you have online masturbation
time with turn your nigger ass in you filthy,
stinky, piece of shit--aaaaannnnd I DO MEAN---SHIT!"
"First it was phvalue323, then it was
thedefendingchamp, now it's TrueEmergence!
But forever it is going to be [full name censored].
You are a filthy, disgusting, bonafide child
molesting asshole with a fucked-up face like
Charlie Brown or Caillou. Your mouth is ugly.
Your sentiments are always a perversion of mercy.
You are a downright, mother fucking, NIGGER of all
NIGGERS, besides being an old fucking fag bag who
no one in their right mind would have sex with.
Your pretentious condescending in your videos makes
you the most loathesome filthy dick sucking asshole
of assholes. But your incessant sexual flirtations
with [full name censored] is more than enough for me.
You are the reigning piece of shit on the panties of
life."
"You are one forever ugly mother fucker.
You troll impressionistic atheists to have gay
sex with them. What is there good about you?
No one gives a fuck about you being gay.
If they did, you would be married. And you, Mary,
are one, seriously ugly mother fucker, ahem, baby
boy fucker. So you really are not celebate.
You like to fuck young boys. Pedophile with a
fucked up mouth. You are an ugly in mind, in heart,
and in soul scum of the earth. You are not eleoquent.
Everything you say is from a script. Fuck you,
fucked up mouth. I'm majoring in English. And you,
Michigan monster, are forever going to be living a
transient life because no one, not
even [full name censored] really wants you.
He merely uses you to take tricks from others for
himself. So go fuck off. You ARE evil, with or
without a God, you are the truest definition of
NIGGER. Later, MASTURBATOR. Never in awhile PEDOPHILE."
So, take that in contrast with some of the stuff
I got from him when he wasn't ... ah... pissed?
at me:
"I got a D on my Atheism midterm. I studied hard.
I knew what I was talking about. But I suspect,
the teacher was not more lenient with me because
I love Jesus.
Mother fucker. I'm good though. All the hot mother
fuckers failed. The ugly bitches got the A's.
The ones who have to beg for cock harder than anything
cause everyone up here believes in Jesus.
Ain't no believer gonna give cock to atheist women.
They might eat their children! They might be monsters.
Hahahaha.
Science doesn't prove atheism. I would like very
much to write to you about everything I have learned
pertaining to Atheism.
Just to show you what I learned. I told my teacher
when I got my D, "I am in love with an atheist.
This is what he looks like. (I showed him a picture
of you that I carry with me all the time on my
iPhone.) I want to impress him by being fluent in
Atheism because I want him to love me. I don't
want him to think I am an airhead like he already
does. I want to carry on intelligent conversations
with him about Atheism. I want to learn about this
subject, so I can better understand him because I
love him. Can you help me bring this grade up so
that I can get an A?"
The teacher offered extra-credit and smiled.
I walked out of the class with my cowboy boots on, my
shorts, and my Abercrombie and Fitch jersey thingy.
I wondered if I just gave you my A&F thing if that
would be good enough to warm you with my heart."
Oh, did I mentioned that he used to say "I love you"
every other sentence or so? Now it's "I still love you."
Once, in an effort to make him less interested in
me, I said that he was fat. Well, he was, but that's
sort of beside the point. Consequently, he made a
valiant effort - that worked - to lose weight.
From that same email:
"I haven't changed. But I have lost weight.
I weigh 208. For me, from 360, that is like,
fucking wow. I can now see my penis. It is
amazing what losing nine pounds can accomplish."
In december of last year, I decided to finally be
done with it and say goodbye to BH. The
video wasn't for him so much as it was for me.
I needed to feel closure, instead of feeling like
I could resolve his insanity with just one more
conversation. I resolved to make a video where I
said all that I felt needed to be said, upload it
on unlisted, and from then on to never respond
to BH. And that's what I did. The video
is two hours long, and I may or may not include
it here. I want to watch it first to make sure it
doesn't contain anything personally identifiable
or too personal. And not including it doesn't
necessarily mean that that's the case; it might
just mean that I haven't gotten around to
re-watching the fucking long video.
It's racked up 41 views. I recall viewing it about
3-4 times in total, while testing the uploads,
so I'm pretty sure that BH has viewed,
or at least visited the page 30 times or so.
Fast forward about 3 months to the present, and you
have BH doc dropping my name in my
profile comment section of SomethingSea1 and
theshittytalker, and each time with a different
account. To remidy this problem, I switched my
accounts to friend-only comments, thus preventing
both the now-blocked channels of BH, plus
new channels he might create. This, however,
would not get rid of the problem of him dropping my
docs on other places besides my channel, which
he has done.
The first was on tattooskin72's channel,
which I've already talked about. Another was on
a different channel that my mother was able to
find from a search or two. The channel hasn't
been logged on to for a month... basically meaning
that there was no way to delete it.
Then I see
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4A1LwalIkE
johntheother's video about doc-dropping the
doc-droppers and, though I'm antsy about it,
decide to drop the same parallel docs that were
dropped on me. His name and general location.
I had no idea what this would bring, but, it would
be worth a try. That was the 10th.
At 12:34am, which I saw 5 minutes after it was sent,
because I'm a friggin' vampire, BH sent me
the following email with the title, in all caps,
'REMOVE NAME NAOUGH'
(show pic)
So, let's go over a few things:
1. "I can get expelled for what you are accusing me of."
I am accusing him of stalking. If he can get expelled
for that, that's one fucked up school. But, who
knows. And, besides that, he's in school because
he wants to get with me, and he wants to prove his
sanity to me. Yeah, doing a great job of that.
2. "I have removed all references to you in my power;
do the same for me for my privacy."
Assuming that this has actually been done, this
isn't a good reason for me to remove the details
and data. BH has a track record of deceit.
Additionally, I've only done it once, now twice,
as compared with nearly innumerable examples
from Bite. Leaving the stuff up serves the purpose
of a reminder, and as well, you could say, karma.
It's a bitch, ain't it?
3. "I don't care about the video.
Don't private it, because I can get around a
private to find the words."
Either the fucker learns fast, or he switches from
being his proclaimed techno-illiterate to being
tech savvy when it serves his purpose. I'd say
he's a lying shmuck who's learned a little about
la internete and tried to keep me in the dark about
his knowledge. And after I read that part about
the description and tags, I put the details into
the tags of the other video. Streissand effect
is fun.
This brings us to the end of this video, for the most
part. To respond to some of the comments from the
other video:
from tattoo:
"Well, I've been seeing him drop your name
on quite a few random videos. One was a fucking
music video where he claimed he tried to commit
suicide to the damn song cause of you."
Yep, my mom found that one too.
From AnneOnAMoose:
"If anything happens to you, we know his name
and state. ;)"
Well, problem is, if he comes to me, you don't exactly
have the right State, now do you?
From PretzelLife:
"I have found three addresses for this psycho:
[censored as per agreement]
All are in [censored as per agreement]. If one of these are correct,
I'd really appreciate you telling me so. This guy
scares me."
I haven't the slightist clue. Though, I put Bite's
name plus the street name in a gmail search,
and the [censored as per agreement] one came up with:
"I rode my bicycle five miles south to my home from
Lake Michigan just to hear your voice, just to see you."
From MadShangiStation:
"Late at night. Waiting for a movie to load.
How long has this creep been harassing you?
The MadShangi has taken an interest in your case.
PM me all about your stalker and I'll see what
I can do."
Well, about 4 years now, with about 2-3 of them
being unwanted. I've pretty much given the general
overview of the situation in this video.
I suppose I could forward
to you the thousands of emails we've exchanged,
as well as his address, but I'd be more inclined
to just share his address. But, I expect that
he might be likewise inclined to share mine.
Not sure what to do about that. I suspect that
what I've currently done so far should be disincentive
against him doing much more, but I don't know.
I also have his phone number. He includes it in
many of his emails to me.
Guess what gmail address you can contact BH
at?
So, that's the story of my interactions with
BH, my internet stalker.
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