Paranoia gowith creativity - genetics or enviro-social?

"including seeing himself as a messenger or having a special function in some way, and with supporters and opponents and hidden schemers, and a feeling of being persecuted, and looking for signs representing divine revelation."

from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Forbes_Nash

If religion works by doing this same thing, how is it that, if it is genetically
based, that it survives without the childhood part? That is, which part
affects becoming religious-paranoid or paranoid more - genetics,
or enviro-social factors?

Cat got my tongue

What would you do if you had 3 billion people at your
fingertips, willing to do your bidding?

Get a private jet? Have all the sex you ever wanted?
Maybe proclaim yourself the king/queen and rule
over them with an iron fist?
Does the thought excite you? Scare you? 3 billion people
is a lot of people. Am I talking about you, or some politician
who's gotten into office by some sort of slimy means?

... I hate it when I have nothing more to say...

I'm trying to explain why 3 billion people are serving you
at this minute, and likewise that you're serving 3 billion
people, and that we're all doing this, since we're in an
interconnected organism called "life".

Applied Genius

It goes with now being said that I have had a few twists from my trysts of afore when I wrote in my journals. Though, pardon the occasional flair of words that I have when I'm feeling prissy. I was bored this morning, as I have started to be these later weeks after school and after all the intellectual fights that I've lost interest in; the last one of Alan Watts has followed how I've traditionally gone about fucking with my own perception. Ah, but forgive me - what is it that I'm talking about, and why are you reading this blog? Not that it matters, really; I just want to practice as though I'm talking to a bigger audience, as it has come to my attention how annoying it is to not be able to explain myself. 

Along with that, my frequent changes in position, such that even those who might know me rather well, might be baffled by the position that I take next week, despite having known me well for 5 years or more. That might include, maybe, 3 people in total, if that. I do a retake of my own journal every now and then, so why not one combined with the story of today?

Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh... nah, I just thought it seemed funny that it sounded like I was going to do that. Being bored has interesting affects on your mind. Kim has been doing/trying to do some business, first with computer stuff, and now with energy savings. This last week I helped him with an excel sheet of some data that he was looking at for a company. The irony was is that it looked extremely "work-oriented" in the sense that it looked like stuff that should look really boring. But I was fascinated by it. He asked me to keep a record of how long it took me (and here I was thinking kind of in the job sense, "what, so you can keep a payroll?"), to "see if it was worth it". And I agreed. I looked online for a few minutes to find a sort of stopwatch so I wouldn't be forgetful of how long I was taking on the excel sheet, but I couldn't find an app for it. Eventually I was like, "Y'know, this ain't worth the trouble" and jotted down the start time on the notebook.

It was an enjoyable hour of learning about something by putting data in about it. That's what I didn't like about Kim's presentation of it - "it's going to be tedious, I know, but..." Really, now, it all depends on one's approach. Although, that Kim was giving it to me to do, instead of doing it himself, indicated the very thing that he was passing on to me -- "it's hard work" (it was also that I haven't been contributing to the family, so...). We don't pass games onto other people, for heaven's sake -- we play them! Imagine if you had a girlfriend (for the guys; for the girls, just reverse it) and gave her to another guy - "Hey, could you do her for me? I know it's a lot of work, but I'd really appreciate it."

All that and, I was bored? I was, and that's part of why I was so eager to do the "work". "One man's trash is another man's treasure" comes to mind, along with "Buy low, sell high". And it's this concept of, as it were, "Applied Genius" that I want to work with and look at. I start with two primary assumptions: 

1. We're all geniuses (at the least, potential ones).

2. Perception is king.

I did another excel thing for Kim this morning, and after that, at around 3pm, Kim brought me for an interview at Subway, after which we went for a lighting business opp at Arby's. The excel was about gas - therms - and they are spending a ton of money on gas. I was intimidated about doing the interview, so Kim found me in bed, 'resting',

"Have a cup of coffee? Want to be perky for the interview" and I was sort of subdued as we went to Subway, 

"You alright? You're not smiling..." 

The interview went well. Lois told me about... a lot of stuff. The schedule goes from Wed to Tue instead of Mon to Sun, which she said took her aback herself, but she got used to it, although she still had to call some people to remind them that it was their day, though "ultimately that's your responsibility to do." The cameras there were to ensure that everyone was performing, and also as back cover for if a customer was unsatisfied. I thought that was slightly ironic, because I had thought the cameras were there to make sure the customers didn't steal anything (the paranoia in me and whatnot). 

She asked how many hours it was that I wanted, saying that she couldn't give me that many, it being a sort of down-season right now. And oh, it's so much better in this location than it was over where DQ is/was; it was a prime spot for being robbed, 8PM, next to the highway. Now that we're over here, 6 years, it hasn't happened, but I still tell staff to close down right, for in case. Do you want a lot of hours, 'cause I can't really offer you 30+ hour right no- (No; whatever works out for you, really. No point in me being here if it isn't helping the store out, y'know) Ok good, yeah. 

At one point she mentioned that I'd need to bring a driver's license, and birth certificate or social security card. That was disheartening. Well, I guess I'll put the driver license back into my wallet again... It would be better than being bored and in depression. And I think it goes along with the application part. 

After the interview Kim was wondering whether or not to go to Arby's; "It doesn't sound very promising..." We went anyway. Andy wasn't there, but a staff member was, 

"Well, we all run the shop."

"Good answer!" :P Kim, kim, kim... 

We went about inspecting the lights, and there was some momentary confusion about 12's and 8's, since 12's were no longer being made, and that might have been why Andy was interested in a lighting project. After we'd looked at all of them, Kim said that it looked more promising than before, "this looks like a decent project."

With all this in my head when we got home, how I'd just gone "backstage" to Arby's because of a lighting project, which was held together firstly by Kim's charisma, and secondly by the application part where he actually delivers, too, I was thinking about application as related to perception, and the difference between the Victorian work-ethic and the lazy-boy perception-esque thinking that seemed to coincide with it (I'm speaking generationally, such as myself and my mom, with me being the unpractical one). I saw a business card that was turned upside down (she's been using business cards like sticky-notes for where you don't need the stick), telling Yuri to do the dishes at 6PM. I, thinking partly of Lois' "doing the work even when others may be slacking", partly of boredom, and partly of simply enjoying doing it, put the dishes away.

I was also wanting to talk about this stuff - application. But here's the problem that I've now more often been running into: I want to say it to the camera, but not around anyone. And I think this is likewise related to application. Shy and extrovert, along with teaching children and teaching in general, along with things like State and religion, and in this way connected. And I'm going to make some generalities that don't really hold. For shy people, they're ruled by religion and state, or whatever extrapolation thereof that is used as a mechanism for their reaction of shyness. For extroverts, they're the makers of religion and State; the extroverts are the teachers and lawmakers.

I don't think I expressed the general of that very well. *daydreams* And that's part of the problem, too... then I get tired, and it doesn't feel worth explaining. *sigh* 

Useless Genius

The elements were all there
All that was needed was to see it
He was in the midst of it
He could see it
But he couldn't do anything with it.

So I was talking with Tori and it occurred
to me that the reason for her taste in screamo-ish
songs and my dislike of them had a lot to do with
our philosophies and attitudes as well as age
because in this, what we call, society, age has a
lot to do with how we treat other people, and
that's why it matters. So we were exchanging
phone numbers - exchanging songs and she liked
all of the ones I gave her and I liked some of the
ones I looked for on YouTube, and an interesting
difference about that was that I was being the active
person and she was "looking at the song I guess"
and so I was being that thing that she followed
around which is ironic because I've had a follow-ish
mindset myself quite often but I've found that
recently and more modernly that I've been doing
more social and leaderstuff like when I was on
that one creepy facebook chat thing where you
got cutesey names like SquirtleButtikins or something
like that and had pokemon icons and the sorts,
which was weird because.
So I changed my cutesey name to what my name
was on FB because, really, what was the point of
having a cutesey name on a FB chat thing when
you came from the mo'fo' facebook itself!
Excuse me while I take a verbal shit. Thank you.

It was a new sensation for me to be bored.
Really, I'm not used to it. And there I mixed
up my tenses again. I was am doing the dishes :P

We're all the Great I Am, and we're all none of it.
I mean, really, what could be more confusing?
I'm not sure why I'm writing what I write, or who
my audience might be, or what sort of game it is
that I'm playing. I'm "going with the flow" of the
I AM god stuff baby awareness of oceanic
feeling. And I guess that might be where the
problem stems from. Then again,
"You cannot solve a problem with the same
thinking that you used to make it."
But also, with weed, there aren't any problems,

and then I think of Bill Hicks and his joke,
"You see these furrows on my brow? This
is deadly serious. What will happen to my
bank account, to my daughters, to all my money?
Deadly serious."
Never much cared for Bill Hicks, though
I might sound a lot like him.

So why am I talking with my hands to a
monitor screen again?

Co-Sign Virt-ual Boar-dumb

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5OPMI13qng
All None All None All None
      I am everyone, I am no-one
All None All None All None
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4
You best suit Emo, Im not sayin you are...
     Shhh, you,
            It doesn't ... you
     Hush, darling
You best suit Emo, Im not sayin you are...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqCImoZyLVw
      I suppose you think it's funny?
Oh Win Me, you
      I suppose you think it's funny?
/////Stop - 2 min ////// --rewind
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ O_O oh O_O :-D :-D :-D

Back-in.
                                http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrpSjXo6ah0
          It isn't working
I fell sad
          It isn't working
             touche
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrpSjXo6ah0
Back in
         Swimming about
Back in
                          It's a nice feeling
         back in
                                  wandering off...
Back in
What a silly word

If I just lay here...
And bore myself to death.

A Mind Fuck Haze

It would be rather confusing to see yourself as god and others as god as well, and not sure which gods to follow. Such is the predicament I got myself into after listening to Alan Watts a good bit.
:P Here, have a taste:
1-200: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLrMVous0Ac&feature=PlayList&p=A55EAF0FBF6E88BD&index=0&playnext=1
200-400: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSk-IrSGcTw&feature=PlayList&p=FCA9178E25A6E7B9&index=0&playnext=1

As I am wont to do, I watched them all (well, all up to about 260) in fair succession. A thorough mind fuck, really, no movie or hypnosis needed.

The problem for me is that of knowing what to do, now. We're in a game, and as it is, I'm playing it. And for so long, I have rebelled against playing it, while being supported in the game by others who took and take it very seriously.

After having studied anarchy, Ayn Rand, and confederalsocialist, with the a/theism debate far behind, to this I went - Alan Watts. And with Alan Watts, everything is again blown apart and shown to be mere ghosts of reality. Likewise, everything that I had studied before made all the more sense -- theism suddenly looked crystal clear in its clarity, along with why it perpetually lost debates and seemed a very intuitive and personal thing -- it is. And, like with the want for poly-politics (many candidates instead of one -- or, even better, total self-representation, or, democracy on small scale of zero), the showing, with comparative religions, of how all of the gods interrelate, and why each god is divine and supreme, along with those who leave the religion as heretics.

Consider, for a moment, a balloon with white dots on it (yes, This example, if you're familiar with it). Blow the balloon up, more so than it was before. Each of those white dots moves out and away from the original point, and each in relation to all of the other dots. This has traditionally been shown as an example of the universe expanding. Now imagine something like god, or a transcendental experience. It'll pop up occasionally, and when it does, it will "expand", and you could say it does this with the actions and words of the person who experienced it. So now, we have all these balloons from history, and some of them have gotten dangerously large - some have even "popped" and "absorbed" other balloons. And here along come these heathen atheists who go about popping them! Well good! hahaha! More balloons will come blowing up along. The ones that last the longest are rather interesting, aren't they? Must have gotten the best type of expanding material and whatnot. But no balloon can go on expanding forever. And so the longer the balloon expands, the sooner a heathen will go about popping it, or it will destroy the very people that it was uplifting.

And such is the nature of religion.

Well! And to think that I was having difficulty explaining myself and thought I had lost my word craft! Relaxation from doing stuff at C.R.O.S.S. was quite the blessing.

From GoogleDocs: "12-27-09: Rose's Parting Shot"

12-27-09

Rose left with a "parting shot", as Kim, Clarion, and Diane put it. 

I consider it a goldmine of information. 

Diane didn't help around the house enough, didn't keep the

bathroom clean, and the pictures on the piano were of just 

their family, and not anyone else - Diane didn't love Rose.

When Rose also mentioned something from the long-ago

past, about Diane saying she "didn't want any relatives

over," Kim and Diane both said that they didn't remember 

it and that they "didn't have the context".

I was studying the comics when all the "parting shot" 

of 10 minutes occurred. Kim, Diane and Clarion talked 

about how it just Had? to happen? Clarion said that they 

shouldn't have stayed the extra day.

Rose's parting shot reminded me of my parting shots - 

one time at karate when I didn't want to do something 

but didn't want to confront Diane. So I just said "No" 

and left to the car.

Kim talked about how much Diane worked to Rose, 

and that she was the hardest-working member of 

the family. 

Later, when Diane and Kim (I tagged along) were folding the draperies 

for the room Rose and Clarion had been sleeping in, 

Diane said (mostly sarcastically) "Sorry that you 

have such a lazy wife."

So, I now think I know what much of the Victorian

prissiness around the "work ethic" is about. 

Rose and her experience in the Vietnam (was it

Vietnam?) conflict, whereby she reacted into bigotry. 

The bigotry being a concept of how family should work.