A Mind Fuck Haze

It would be rather confusing to see yourself as god and others as god as well, and not sure which gods to follow. Such is the predicament I got myself into after listening to Alan Watts a good bit.
:P Here, have a taste:
1-200: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLrMVous0Ac&feature=PlayList&p=A55EAF0FBF6E88BD&index=0&playnext=1
200-400: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSk-IrSGcTw&feature=PlayList&p=FCA9178E25A6E7B9&index=0&playnext=1

As I am wont to do, I watched them all (well, all up to about 260) in fair succession. A thorough mind fuck, really, no movie or hypnosis needed.

The problem for me is that of knowing what to do, now. We're in a game, and as it is, I'm playing it. And for so long, I have rebelled against playing it, while being supported in the game by others who took and take it very seriously.

After having studied anarchy, Ayn Rand, and confederalsocialist, with the a/theism debate far behind, to this I went - Alan Watts. And with Alan Watts, everything is again blown apart and shown to be mere ghosts of reality. Likewise, everything that I had studied before made all the more sense -- theism suddenly looked crystal clear in its clarity, along with why it perpetually lost debates and seemed a very intuitive and personal thing -- it is. And, like with the want for poly-politics (many candidates instead of one -- or, even better, total self-representation, or, democracy on small scale of zero), the showing, with comparative religions, of how all of the gods interrelate, and why each god is divine and supreme, along with those who leave the religion as heretics.

Consider, for a moment, a balloon with white dots on it (yes, This example, if you're familiar with it). Blow the balloon up, more so than it was before. Each of those white dots moves out and away from the original point, and each in relation to all of the other dots. This has traditionally been shown as an example of the universe expanding. Now imagine something like god, or a transcendental experience. It'll pop up occasionally, and when it does, it will "expand", and you could say it does this with the actions and words of the person who experienced it. So now, we have all these balloons from history, and some of them have gotten dangerously large - some have even "popped" and "absorbed" other balloons. And here along come these heathen atheists who go about popping them! Well good! hahaha! More balloons will come blowing up along. The ones that last the longest are rather interesting, aren't they? Must have gotten the best type of expanding material and whatnot. But no balloon can go on expanding forever. And so the longer the balloon expands, the sooner a heathen will go about popping it, or it will destroy the very people that it was uplifting.

And such is the nature of religion.

Well! And to think that I was having difficulty explaining myself and thought I had lost my word craft! Relaxation from doing stuff at C.R.O.S.S. was quite the blessing.